Inner Drill Sergeant

OKAY MAGGOT! YOU CAN GET OFF YER LAZY ASS, QUIT FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF AND GET OUT THERE AND MAKE YOURSELF HAPPEN!

I just feel so blah, so bloated and out of shape. I just want to stay inside and watch TV.

OH YES, BECAUSE THAT ALWAYS MAKES YOU FEEL BETTER RIGHT?

Well, no... but I am hungry. Food always makes me feel better. Food is comfort.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL ME EXACTLY HOW COMFORTABLE YOU FEEL IN YOUR OWN SKIN RIGHT NOW. DO THESE CLOTHES FEEL COMFORTABLE? DO YOU GET OUT OF BREATH WALKING AROUND THE BLOCK? REMIND ME AGAIN HOW GOOD FOOD MAKES YOU FEEL? HOW'S THAT NEW "EXPANSION PACK" THAT BEN AND JERRY INSTALLED FOR YOU?

Uh, no...but you don't understand...I've had a very stressful year. My daughter got married and moved away, my dog died, I'm still adjusting to a new job...

WAH! SHIT HAPPENS! THAT'S NO CALL FOR RETREATING TO YOUR CELLULITE COFFIN. PEOPLE GO THROUGH WORSE EVERY DAY. GET OVER IT!

I guess you're right. Are you sure you want to take on the plight of the lost Fantasia hippo? heh heh? Isn't Seaworld missing a manatee? Man the harpoon...

CRITICIZE YOUR LAZINESS, CRITICIZE YOUR BAD MOOD, HECK EVEN CRITICIZE YOUR MOTIVATION. THOSE ARE IN THE HERE AND NOW AND CAN BE CHANGED. WE WILL NOT JOKE OR CRITICIZE ABOUT FAT, BECAUSE THOSE ARE PAST CHOICES YOU MADE. WE WILL LEARN FROM THEM - YES! BUT LOOKING BACK WILL NOT TAKE US FORWARD. UNDERSTOOD?

Yes. Where do I start?

NOW. PUT DOWN THE CHOCOLATE AND STEP OUT THE DOOR.

but it's cold   -   DRESS WARMLY
I've been coughing   -   USE AN INHALER. YOU'LL LIVE
I look ridiculous   -   YOU WERE INVISIBLE BEFORE
my jogging bra doesn't fit   -   I DOUBT YOU WILL JOG, JUST PUT ON THE OTHER ONE
I'll be the cliche January 1 fitness restart   -   BETTER THAN NOT RESTARTING AT ALL

Okay...here goes nothin