Monday, October 18, 2010

What's a girl to do?



Wow, my last post sounded a bit like I was a desperate, lonely, needy little thing. Yeah, I get a little mopey from time to time, but by and large I have a list of things that I want to do more of or get started on which is pretty exciting. Here's my action plan.

Blog - duh

Run - I really fell off the wagon HARD in this regard but have recently been venturing outside more often now that the weather is nice. No races planned, no pressure, just gettin' mah bootay out there.

Read - I bought a Nook which I love quite intensely right now and carry it with me everywhere.

Write more betterly-er - I may attempt to pull a Nanowrimo out of my butt this year, rather than just read about those who are doing it. It may be all crap and be about purple aliens who take over abandoned Walmarts and Kmarts as headquarters to rule the world, but I will do it. I also will not make you read it.

Draw - Yet another languishing hobby. I used to draw a lot more than I do now. Although I'm quite average and my attempts quite sophomoric, I enjoy it.



Home improvement - I want to rip out the carpet and have laminate wood flooring installed. I want to update most of my cheapo contractor light fixtures, I want new furniture now that I don't have to worry about pet hair, kid messes...etc. Did I forget to tell you that I had to put my dog down about 2 weeks after the wedding? She was 14 years old and was so arthritic and could not hold her bowel/bladder. It was so hard, but I now know I did the right thing for her. end tangent

I will also have to redo my daughter's room. I will need a gallon of spackle to start. The child tacked up EVERYTHING on the wall. Oh, and as a public service announcement: when you use Sticky-Tac on textured drywall and leave it there for 5 years, it will pull off half the wall with it when you remove it.

Knit - still knitting. It's my go-to leisure/stress relief and I LOVE my hand knit items and look forward to wearing them every year.

I'm sure there's other stuff: Gardening, eating better, winning that Nobel Peace Prize...but that's enough for now.

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Learning to Fly SOLO

I've been a single parent most of my adult life. I learned to be self sufficient, independent and ((gasp)) responsible. I brought home the bacon, fried it up in a pan and afterwards, when my daughter thought jumping on the bed was fun, cleaned the bacon vomit off the floor and cleaned bacon vomit out of her hair. My mother still sends me cards on Father's Day which I think is cute and sometimes depressing. Single parent I could handle. SOLO is hard.

After the emotional equivalent of clutching her bridal train down the aisle and into the get-away vehicle to go live with a BOY, I was left with the scary void that was my new companion. Me.

I felt like a child on their way to Kindergarten for the first time. Would I like me? Would I be nice to me? Would I hog all the ice cream? Absolutely. Now, before you guys call the men in white coats with the bouncy rubber wagon, just know that this is the first time I have TRULY been on my own. At every point in my life, someone has always been there with me. I'm not living with a parent, child, significant other or a pet of any kind. I was always the type of kid who played well by myself and didn't need a lot of interaction. Just knowing someone was in the other room was enough for me. I felt secure. This is weird. On second thought, have the white wagon guys on speed dial.

For some of you, this would sound like a dream! Wake up when you want, eat what you want, know that the milk would still be there at the end of the day (if that is how you left it). I too, was one of these dreamers when my child was young (and my then husband acted like a child).

The reality is that there's nobody to share things with. Sure, I can take a picture of my vulgar eggplant's produce and send it to people and get a "LOL" or a racy quip, I can watch a Netflix movie at the same time as my daughter and we can talk on the phone to each other while we're watching it, but it's not the same. Thank jeebus for technology.

Maybe God is challenging me to like myself first before bringing someone else into it.

Poop.

For some reason, I don't think giving myself a hug and saying a quick "I'm sorry self" will meet that criteria. This may take awhile.

Hey, wanna see some vulgar produce?

Sunday, October 10, 2010

Dear blogspot...

Thank you for eating the photos that took me 2 hours to choose and place in my last blog post. I will fix it later (which will take another 2 hours) but I'm tired and want to go to bed.
Check back later for a photo update

Gotta Start Somewhere...


Sorry guys. I have been ignoring this blog, haven't I? Life got heavy there for awhile, but I'm here to restart this thing! My mantra lately has been "gotta start somewhere". Blogging, eating right, exercising...etc have taken a back burner to life events lately. Thanks to my blogger friends for encouraging me to get on the ball!

I know, I know... you want to see wedding pictures. Perhaps that's the easiest way to restart! Magek Photography were STUPENDOUS and took most of the wedding pictures you see below.

We went from this:


To this:






The day was surreal. The venue, Butler's Courtyard, allowed us to have the site all day including a quaint little cottage for the bride and attendants to get ready. The cottage was decorated with antiques and antique wedding items. Danicka and I were the only ones there for an hour or two and we had fun exploring and setting up. You'd think that 8 hours would allow plenty of lounging time before the wedding, but not with updos, nails, makeup, checking flowers, cake, setup...etc. The time flew by.









Finally, the time had come. But wait! I didn't have enough pre-wedding, pre-go-live-with-a-boy fun! Even though the wedding was at 7pm, it still didn't seem like enough time. I did truly live in the moment and enjoyed every minute, but I just wish there were MORE! Someone else had other thoughts.

Before the wedding, they even had a photo op holding hands around a corner. They couldn't see each other before the wedding and there were plenty of people there to make sure the lovebirds were in check.

The wedding planner arrived and we were summoned to the hall. This was it. That tiny baby I once kept in a cradle the size of a dresser drawer was walking to the hall in a white, poufy, marshmallow gown. Everything was going too fast. We were walking too fast, the music seemed like it was playing too fast, and people were taking their places too fast. Although I had a smile on my face, somebody juiced up the tilt-a-whirl that suddenly took residence in my gut.


Here I was, walking my only child down the aisle. I wanted to do this so badly. She was mine to give away, but I now know why fathers usually perform this task. Despite jelly-legs, tilt-a-whirl gut and a racing brain, I wouldn't change it for the world. I remember standing behind the curtain waiting for our cue: she was looking like a horse wanting to race to the barn and I was wanting to reign her in. I wish I could remember exactly what I told her, standing there at the precipice to the rest of her life. I know I told her that I loved her and that she was beautiful. I know I told her to take a deep breath. I also know that I told her my car was waiting just outside in case she changed her mind.


Suddenly the curtain opened and Pachebel's Canon in D began playing. I walked her to the front of the crowd to a handsome man in Marine dress blues (where was the "boy"?).


When the pastor asked "who gives this woman?" I was supposed to say "I do" give her a kiss, give the groom a kiss and step back to be seated. Simple instructions, right? They may as well have been given in Swahili. I said the "I do" and just stood there frozen. The pastor patiently waited and gave a little tight lipped grin to me to break me out of my stupor. Realizing my error, I quickly complied and sat down. My part was done and the rest of the ceremony wafted along from there.


The reception was wonderful. The wonderful folks at Butler's Courtyard took care of everything. I didn't have to worry about the punch bowl status, microphones that didn't work, flowers, food or anything else. Butler's was truly worth the money for everything they do. For all I knew everything went without a hitch they made it seem so effortless and magical. Cake, dancing, bouquet and garter throwing and the toast - all a part of a balanced wedding. I enjoyed it all.
 




















It was time to let the newlyweds run away into the night. I jokingly tried to stow away in the back seat of the getaway car, we blew bubbles and the newlyweds were whisked away in what can only be described as a grand Lawrence Welk sendoff (and a one, and a two..)


Turning the corner, I sighed a big sigh and watched until I could no longer see their taillights.

The crowd seemed to disperse almost immediately and I was left with the staff people. The magic was gone. My daughter was the keeper of that magic and I was turning back into a pumpkin. My feet were also waking up from the magical spell and screamed in protest. We loaded up the car, I checked for forgotten items and made the lonely trek back home. It was in the car ride home that I realized I didn't get any wedding cake. My eyes filled with the first big tears of the day and I pulled into a parking lot and sobbed - big racking sobs and likely a very ugly cry. It wasn't the cake. It was the finality.


I took a deep breath, wiped my face and continued home. While unpacking the car I found the leftover cake and had a piece while sitting on the floor in my sweaty blue dress.


What happened next was the epitome of being alone. I.couldn't.get.out.of.my.dress. My zipper was out of reach. Someone had zipped me in and I now remember the last part of the zipper was particularly difficult. I struggled like Houdini trying to get out of a straight jacket, sat and contemplated the scissors on the counter. It was midnight and I couldn't knock on someone's door to get them to unzip my dress, or if I did would be very creepy. I even contemplated going to McDonalds and paying an employee five bucks to unzip my dress. I cried again and said a few choice words to punctuate the situation. I finally got a pair of vice-grips, clamped them on and with a little struggle was able to free myself. I laughed. I fell exhausted into bed. Vice grips are useful things.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

Are We There Yet?

No, not quite. The wedding shawl of DOOM is growing at a snail's pace.


At this rate, it will be a wedding kerchief! Since my daughter is not really wanting a veil, I'm trying to convince her she can wear this shawlette on her head Aunt Jemima style. She's not going for it. She also didn't like the idea of wedding cupcakes or a wedding pinata either. She never likes my ideas.

Running has been sporadic. As I was getting my gardening mojo going, I neglected running. Now that half the garden is going well and the other half is being eaten, destroyed or dying away I can start running again.

The local college track has been repaved and is verra nice now. I got out there last night and felt like a human sausage: fatty, bloated and stretching my casings. It didn't help that I had friends over for beer and pizza the night before. Ah well...gotta restart somewhere, eh?

Gardening is funny.

The good:
Tomatoes - Better Boy and Roma - lots o green globes on the vines. It seems they're taking forever to ripen. I so love home gardened tomatoes. If you've only eaten store bought tomatoes, I truly feel for you.
Mint - I have to cut it back as it's crowding other plants!
Cucumber - overflowing the bed and creeping out into the yard.
Eggplant - is trying. Putting on blooms
Meyer Lemon - Had to relocate after some nasty grackle birds got after it and scratched up half the maturing lemons.
Lavender - lookin' good but doubt I will get much bounty for dried herbs
Chard - Looks like it's going to pull through after some bug eating concerns early on
Basil - not going as gangbusters as I had thought it would
Rosemary and Thyme still healthy but not much growth in pots

The bad:
Strawberries - grackle birds again. They take 1-2 bites out of every strawberry rendering them unedible.
Lettuce - I let it go too far and now it's getting leggy and weird. Bugs trying to eat it too.
Mexican Lime - It's trying. I think there are 2 or 3 little tiny limes right now
Bell Pepper - looks scraggly and no veg
Dill - Half is good and the other half is being eaten by some small caterpillars which I think are some kind of butterfly. As much as I use dill, I will let them chow down on what they want


The ugly:
Onions - dead
Kale - So dead
Bok Choy - not a chance dead - eaten by something very hungry

Thursday, April 15, 2010

If idle hands are the devil's playground...

If idle hands are the devil's playground, he's got nothing to play with here! Believe it or not, my plants are still alive and some are thriving! I never thought I would love making plants grow.

These pictures were taken a week ago and the plants are even bigger! The cilantro has tried to bolt and my Better Boy tomatoes have really started to take off! I even have 4 small strawberries forming!

Thanks to the wonderful plants at Maas Nursery, even my Meyer Lemon tree is making baby lemons! Ignore the scaly alien hand in the background.


The gladiolus bulbs I planted in the side flower bed have just peeked above the dirt. I'll take pics as soon as they make something purty.

I have this old chiminea that I thought I would enjoy firing up and sitting beside on my patio, playing in the fire. I never got used to the smoke smell, so there it sat for years doing nothing. (I did enjoy setting things on fire in it though. Pyro much?) I decided it would make a better planter. Since it sits in the shade, I decided to plant impatiens and creeping jenny in it. I was so proud...

Then my daughter said "It looks like it's throwing up". Hmmm...she has a point. It's done. It stays. We will see what happens.

Running has resumed, just not as often as I would like. I had to back out of a recent half marathon. You see, the threat of certain death since I was so undertrained was a big de-motivator. My illness plus my Dad's hospitalizations really took a toll on my running. I'm just getting where I can run without using an inhaler. (Sorry, I get a mental giggle thinking about my chubby-chick self trying to run and snorting an inhaler with my flabby rolls flopping to and fro. Just imagine it in slow motion and it's funnier...really) Life just gets in the way sometimes. Note to self...don't sign up for these races so early.

Knitting - still knitting on woman-child's wedding shawl. I'm about 13 repeats in and it's still not big enough. The good thing about knitting lace is you get a lot more bang for your buck. More yards for less money for longer knitting time. The bad thing is, you're knitting FOR-EVER! Will get pics on here later at least to remind myself that it is growing, although very slow...

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Where was I...

Hey! Remember me? Sorry for the long absence, guys. Life has been getting in the way in good and bad ways lately.

The bad: My father has been in the hospital 3 or 4 times in the last month and a half for his heart. Without getting into all of the medical-ese and details (which I have a propensity to do) he had an irregular heart rate the likes could contribute to a blood clot. He went into the hospital to have a procedure to correct it and ended up having the complication of bleeding and a fluid collection in the sac that surrounds the heart which had to be drained by a tube. After discharge, the fluid persisted which kept the heart from being an effective pump and contributed to the beginnings of congestive heart failure which I was able to identify.

Now let me jump out of my nurse pants with my sub clinical explanation and jump into my daughter pants (don't look) to explain the other side.

it. scared. the. shit. outta. me.

My father is six foot one inch burly, country, Paul Bunyan (at least in my eyes) type of man. He tells stories of working cattle with his dad and brother sustaining injuries like a broken bone or a metal spike through his hand, splinting or tying it up with a rag and continuing to work as long as there was daylight. (Isn't my daddy the cutest little boy?)

Fast forward to his post-operative state enduring enough pain to make this larger than life man grip the bed rails with a furrowed brow requesting pain medicine. My stomach clenches at the very thought of it. He improved, was sent home but started to complain about things like being short of breath, coughing, swelling in his legs and sleeping in the recliner because it was easier to breathe. The parade of red flags was overwhelming. The nurse in me knew it was congestive heart failure and the daughter was scared to death. Thankfully, the nurse took over and in her best no-nonsense, boss-lady-nurse voice dispelled any excuses for the symptoms and demanded that my father go back to the hospital. Back he went, the fluid around his heart had re-accumulated so IV diuretics were continued for 2 days which relieved the problem.

To make a long story short, he is now back at home and doing well.

The good:  I have a new gardening obsession. I have hauled, lifted, planted and bought more dirt, plants and bedding material than ever. I started reading Square Foot Gardening by Mel Bartholomew. I now have two 4' x 8' raised beds for vegetables and I added a raised flower bed beside my patio with paver stones. I even installed a rain barrel to divert water from the patio gutter to be used for garden watering. I'm even growing flowers from bulbs, y'all! (Ignore the rusted back door. With an obnoxious large dog who likes to jump on the back door, replacing it would be an exercise in...stupidity)



My imaginary psychiatrist would say that I'm anticipating empty nest syndrome by feeling the need to nurture a garden. I say until you have eaten a garden fresh tomato (not the supermarket kind) you have not truly eaten.

I haven't been too scientific about the process. Basically, I buy a plant or seed I like, stick it in the ground and hope for the best. I visit my garden every day and see what's doing well and what needs help. I'm sure I will kill a few things. My daughter jokes that our house is where houseplants go to die. I own that. Failure to thrive due to inattention. It's getting better.

Cast list for my first EVAR garden:


In pots:
Mexican lime tree
Improved Meyer lemon tree
Mystery bulbs I found sprouting in the garage
Rosemary and German Thyme

In vegetable beds:
Better Boy tomatoes
Roma tomatoes
Eggplant
Bell Pepper
Peppermint
Spearmint
Corsican mint
Cilantro
Chives
Dill
Sweet Basil
Purple Basil
Italian Oregano
Aloe
French Lavender
Sweet Lavender
Kale
Texas Onions
Strawberries
Lettuce
Cucumbers
Bok Choy
Rainbow Chard
with a few Zinnias, Marigolds and Daisies cuz ima girl and they help deter insects

In my flower bed:
Red Honeysuckle - attracts hummingbirds
Pentas - attracts butterflies
will be planting Dahlia and Gladiolus bulbs soon